I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize