I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
