Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
