you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
you inspire me to be a worse person
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
