My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
