I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
