we have pet lesbian snakes
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
