she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
