I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
