Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter