my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
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He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
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Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.