I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
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Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
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All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??