How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right