Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
