yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey