My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
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It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
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despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.