Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
need another drink. this is the easiest way
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
