Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
