How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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