In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
