I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
