I have demons in me.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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