Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
