I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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