I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
