we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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