So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
