A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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