Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
