So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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