fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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