Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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