im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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