I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
