That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
