do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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