She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
