That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
