Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
