We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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