happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
