3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
