This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
