I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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