Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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