So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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