They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
