she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
