Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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