My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
This is my gift to your gina
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
