Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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