why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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