Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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