I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
