Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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