Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
