just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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