i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
