I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
