i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
