i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
