Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
