wrigley field is MILF paradise
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
