I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
