Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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