You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize