I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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