I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
