3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
