His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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