plz talk dirty to me
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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