you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
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It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
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You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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