We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
