I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
