Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
