My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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