Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
