Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
