I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
