Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
