New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
FUCK WHALES
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
