He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
