i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
