Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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