please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
