i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
