She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
