Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
