Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
